Sleep deprived author
by Knives'Ghostwriter
Summary: Just read the A/N... You'll understand. Rated for the Author's foul mouth... No language in the actual fic. Title may change...Now Beta-ed


There its all BETAed

A/N: This fic was brought about by lack of sleep, hunger, and two girls SOMEHOW getting on a rather odd subject (will not state what subject because it would ruin the fic) at nine o'clock at night. Did I mention sleep and caffeine deprived? And somehow still being able to get laughing as if on sugar.

Warning: Author was not on sugar at time REALLY, I wasn't... Though I wished I was... Oh, did I mention that my friend that got it started is the same one that caused the Chibi Chronicles? Yeah... And I still haven't got my Trinity Blood book back... (Kicks laundry basket) Give him back already!! Though I blame the choice in scenery on the fact the I JUST NOW found The Dawn, (I haven't read it all, please don't ruin it for me) Sorry, sidetracked...

Anyway, two sleep caffiene and sugar deprived girls, need I say more... Oh and I've been writing none stop since I got home, (clock strikes 12) midnight already? Uh... I better get some sleep, have a good night all. Hope you enjoy the story. Oh and if you think you wanna Beta it... Let me know. Though I doubt I'd edit it for much more than grammar... Spelling shouldn't be a huge issue with this one... (Tends to get detail oriented when tired) Now on to the show!

(Sorry folks... already BETAed.. Thanks TristanCartier)

Walter was going about his nightly rounds, making sure any and all things had been taken care of. Windows all secured, shades drawn in the rooms not occupied, any dishes that had escaped his first search of the evening taken care of. Sir Integra had finally given up on her paper work and he had left her office for last. With a slight rap, a habit more than anything, he let himself into the office that had once been Arthur's and was now Integra Hellsing's. He took note that there would be some dusting to be done in a few days, only a few flakes were present at the moment, before looking at the organized desk. As always, there was a cigar clogged ashtray beside carefully laid stacks of papers. Even having servants all her life, he was proud at how well she took care of herself is such small ways. It made his job easier, these kind acts. He didn't have to worry about disturbing her filing system, as he had accidentally done a few times when she was younger, while he moved to be sure no drink had been spilt during her last tea of the day.

Finding no residue, he went about emptying the ashtray and made sure the lighter had adequate fluid in it. Walter frowned when he saw a glint of metallic, his eyes darted to the source. A small silver case rested at the corner of the desk. It looked almost like the case Integra carried her small cigars in, but she didn't usually have that out unless she was traveling, and even then she would normally carry it. As a thought crossed his mind, he picked up the case and turned it over, it didn't have the Hellsing insignia that adorned everything Integra carried. Opening the case, it looked identical to hers, there stood a row of perfectly straight cigars, a petite lighter slid into the other side. His nose crinkled, they smelled... He gave a snort at how strong the scent was. They were strong smelling, but sweet. He couldn't put his finger on it. He'd been around smokers most of his life, even been one once upon a time, but he couldn't place the type that he held in his hand. Must have been a gift, he decided. It still bothered him that he couldn't place the scent. His mind lingered on brief thoughts of sweet smelling poisons, but he shook those, or rather tried, from his mind. He placed them back and, noticing a few books off the shelf, went about straightening them. The thoughts persisted, causing him to continually look back at the case.

Finally, he couldn't stand it any more, he picked up the case. He took it with him as he left the room. It was too late for him to ask Sir Integra herself, he wouldn't disturb what little sleep she took for less than the end of Hellsing, so he decided he'd ask someone who had been around a bit longer than he had. Someone who may be able to identify the brand of these cigars, Alucard.

Reaching the large door leading to Alucard's room, Walter gave a loud knock, knowing full well the vampire wouldn't be sleeping for some hours yet. "Come in Walter, I wasn't expecting you." Pushing the door open he could see the No-Life King reclining on top of his closed coffin. "What brings you here so late? You've already brought blood tonight. Having trouble sleeping Angel of Death?" Alucard had an, to others it would've been, unnerving smirk on his face.

"No, I haven't been to bed yet this evening." Just as Sir Integra had learned early on to ignore his teasings, so had Walter. "I came here to ask if you can identify this type of cigar. I found them on Integra's desk and I don't believe they belong to her. They smell... odd." Alucard's eyebrow rose a bit as he was handed the silver case.

"Hm, the case isn't Master's." Walter nodded in agreement. When he got the catch to open, Alucard's nose wrinkled up, "Odd... Understatement... Sweet, sickeningly so. These aren't like any I've smelled before." Brows furrowed, both Alucard's and Walter's, as one was lifted from the case. "They look hand rolled, very well done too." Walter hadn't noticed that, they looked identical to Sir Integra's brand's method of construction. "My first thought is poison, there are many that smell strong and are sweet."

"That was my thoughts too but... It doesn't smell like any poison I know of. But then, you know I'm not as adept at such things as I no doubt should be," Walter spoke matter of fact about that.

Alucard chuckled, "Well, if memory serves, you were always more interested in how many pieces you could get out of your opponent."

"Do be serious Alucard, I'm worried for Integra's well being. I have no intention of allowing these near her if they could cause harm."

"You mean aside from causing cancer?" Walter gave the teasing vampire a look, the laughter stopped but the smirk remained. "Well, as I said, they don't smell like any poisons that either of us know. Other than that... There's always the old fashion way," Walter didn't like the grin that crept over Alucard's face.

"Old fashion way?" Walter raised a brow.

"Tester." Alucard turned the cigar he held toward Walter, "You used to love these old things, I do recall."

"I haven't smoked in years." Walter could tell just by the words he'd reacted with, he didn't care if it was poisoned, so long as Sir Integra was safe.

"No worries, it's like riding a bike," Alucard chuckled as he passed him the cigar. Sighing heavily, Walter placed the sweet tasting tip between his lips. "I'll smoke with you if it will make you feel better," he was a bit startled when Alucard had snagged one for himself before plucking the lighter out of the case. "Here," he was starting to wonder what was up with the old vampire, but he couldn't quite clear his head after he lit his cigar.

))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Seras was heading toward her room, wondering why she hadn't seen Walter since early evening, yawning the thought away as she descended the stairs. The sun would be up soon and she was dead, as the saying went, tired. Something caught her attention, it sounded like... giggling? Frowning, she listened harder, yes, it was giggling. Brows furrowed, she followed the sound, only to find herself at her Master's door. "M-master?" She called as she pushed the door slightly open, her nose twitched at the smoke that seeped into the hall. "Huh?" Her eyes widened as she pushed the door further, "Master? Why does it smell like," the question died as she saw the two figures in the room. One was slumped in the great chair, while the other was sprawled across the black coffin. Giggling reached her ears, the two were shaking with laughter.

"Seras?" The one in the chair, lifted his head up, was he sitting upside down in it? "Police girl, why don't you join us?" Alucard's voice, far too many octaves higher, reached her as the figure straightened himself. He had been laying across the arms.

"Miss Vic?" She instantly turned toward the coffin.

"Walter?!" The giggling started up again.

"Yep, what brings you here? You always stay away from here. Shouldn't you be getting to bed?" Walter stumbled to get off the coffin, trying to stand at attention after realizing who had entered, only to crash to the stone floor in a jumble of limbs.

"Heh, heh, heh, heh..."

"A, shut up ya loony ol' coot," Seras was stunned at Walter batting his hand toward a GIGGLING Alucard. She, finally shook herself out of her stupor to see the old butler give up on standing and lean back against the black coffin.

"What are you smoking?" She snatched the small burning butt that Walter was bringing to his lips.

" 'ey, ya coulda axed..." She sniffed cautiously at the swirling smoke, it sent her into a sneezing fit.

"Master, have you been smoking this too?!"

"Uh? Yeah... Didn't want Walter to feel bad if it killed 'im... thought it was poison...," Alucard mumbling something about could'nt kill 'im and started giggling again, he fell out of his chair, that only made it worse.

_My God... Master AND Walter are both smoked outa their bleeding gaurd!! What am I going to do?_ Just being around it was enough to make her head spin, she had to get out of there. Before she could react, Walter had already retrieved the butt she'd taken.

"So, ya gonna join us? It's purty good."

Seras shook her head, backing out of the room. Got to get away from that mind numbing smoke, she couldn't think straight. Once she closed the door behind her, out in the clear air of the hall, she coughed, trying to get the last of the smoke out of her lungs. She still couldn't think of what to do. It was illegal, it wasn't right. As if she could lecture her Master about that, though Walter could face some serious consequences if anyone knew. She let her thoughts play over all the possibilities before she decided. She turned and headed back up the stairs.

A little while later, Seras walked down the hall, once again, heading for her master's room. This time she placed what she had been carrying on the floor just outside the door. A sharp fang nibbled on her bottom lip as she looked down at the ice bucket stuffed to capacity with blood packets and the chips and a few other things she had grabbed for Walter to nibble on once the side effects of their smoking kicked in, hoping it would be enough. Mainly worried about Walter should Alucard get too hungry. Giving a forced smile, she went to her room, wishing for bed. Praying she could ignore the giggling and chatter from the next room.

Author's Corner

HA! My first true oneshot!! Wahahahahaa... Bet you didn't know vamps could get stoned too, didja, didja?? Well, neither did I til now... and for your information... I"M NOT TELLING YOU WHY INTEGRA HAD POT ON HER DESK!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Hey... at least One person in this story has to had an evil, devilish laugh... Since Alley's outa commission over there (Thumbs toward the vamp on the floor)

Alucard: Wadda bout mission?

Go back to your pot Alley!

Alucard: Pot? That's whatya cook in... I don't cook... weirdo...

(Shrugs) Whatever... I'm outa here... it's past midnight and SOME of us have to get up before sundown... Night all, hoped you enjoyed the fic! Leave a review, spread the word, wine moan compain, flame, I realy don't give a sh-t... Woe... ALUCARD get that sh-t away from me! Now I'M out of character.

Walter: What about wine?

Great... And make sure you THANK Seras tomorrow!!

Alucard: Why? She never does anything right?

Ah, f-ck it... (Leaves room)

W&A: Huh? What was 'at about? (Look at each other, shrugs)


End file.
